Did You Marry Your Soul Mate?

According to http://www.higherperspectives.com (a completely non-christian website) there are 20 signs that you’ve “found your soul mate”.

Their secular view of someone who lives up to “soul mate” status is:

1. Your soul mate is endlessly loyal to you.
2. Your soul mate is always supportive of you.
3. Your soul mate has a similar guiding compass.
4. Your soul mate sparks an intense passion in you.
5. You can communicate comfortably with your soul mate.
6. Your soul mate makes you feel special.
7. Your soul mate transcends spiritual boundaries with you.
8. Your soul mate appreciates your affection.
9. Your soul mate thinks you’re just irresistible.
10. Your soul mate helps you feel safe.
11. You feel like you can completely trust your soul mate.
12. You don’t just experience their endless love, you feel it.
13. You’re spiritually connected more so to your soul mate than anyone else.
14. You can spend time sitting in silence but know what your soul mate is thinking.
15. Even in times of tragedy, you find strength in your soul mate.
16. Your soul mate turns to you with all their secrets, hopes and dreams.
17. Your soul mate has the same ideas about raising children as you.
18. Your soul mate always includes you in major and minor life decisions.
19. Your soul mate pushes you to be better.
20. As people, in terms of being happy and successful, you and your soul mate thrive together.
(http://higherperspectives.com/soul-mate/)

Does your spouse live up to this incredible list? Does he continue, year after year, day after day, fart after fart, to spark intense passion in you? Does your husband read your mind, especially in the moments you need him to the most? Do you feel flawlessly supported and admired by your dearest love? Obviously, this kind of love doesn’t let you down or leave you feeling alone or frustrated—EVER.

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So, I’m still looking for my soul mate. I’m married, every bit the epitome of happily married, but I’m frequently not fulfilled or completely satisfied by this guy I yoked myself to. Ergo, I must have missed my soul mate, and he is still out there somewhere looking for me. It’s a real shame, because, as a Christian, I don’t believe in divorce.

But what if this intense longing we have for a soul mate is something else entirely? In his book, Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis says:

“Creatures are not born with desires unless satisfaction for those desires exists. A baby feels hunger: well, there is such a thing as food. A duckling wants to swim: well, there is such a thing as water. Men feel sexual desire: well, there is such a thing as sex. If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world. If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy it, that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or to be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage. I must keep alive in myself the desire for my true country, which I shall not find till after death; I must never let it get snowed under or turned aside; I must make it the main object of life to press on to that country and to help others to do the same.”

There it is. Everything here—everything we experience here on Earth—points to there, to Heaven and to what we will be when this life is over. Your life is one big object lesson, one long parable, one incredible power-point presentation. From beginning to end, your life is your training ground. You began as a child; and, therefore, you may come to understand what it means to be a child of God. You grew and grew and became an adult, which was supposed to show you that a healthy life grows, that your new life in Christ should be characterized by growth. You fell in love and married, which according to the Song of Solomon, should point you towards the love that Christ feels for you and should inspire you to fall in love with the Lover of your soul.

At least that’s how it’s all designed to work. But sin is always screwing us up. Satan has spun this great lie that another human being can be my soul mate. And most of the world has bought that lie— hook, line and sinker. Divorce statistics go higher and higher every year—even among Christians. We get married and realize, belatedly, that we have married a real sinner. Something inside tells us that we deserve better than this schmuck. I promise you, no one is getting divorced because they realize that they married someone way too good for them.

My husband is wonderful and he loves me fiercely, but he still lets me down on occasion. We’ve made it through 15 years of marriage and we’ve grown into something really cool. (Through God’s amazing grace. God gets all the credit for keeping this sinful dynamic duo together!) My husband adores me, except when we’re fighting. He holds me up and is always there for me, except when he’s busy, or distracted, or a project at work suddenly consumes all of his time. He prioritizes our marriage, but he stinks at planning and executing dates. And he doesn’t always chase after Jesus the way I wish that he would.

My husband is amazing and I am truly, deeply in love with him. He isn’t ever going to be perfect, but I’m learning to enjoy our imperfect journey. It can still be tempting to give in to discouragement when my husband doesn’t love me the way I want him too, but look at what C.S. Lewis says about my husband’s shortcomings: “If none of my earthly pleasures satisfy [my desires], that does not prove that the universe is a fraud. Probably earthly pleasures were never meant to satisfy it, but only to arouse it, to suggest the real thing. If that is so, I must take care, on the one hand, never to despise, or to be unthankful for, these earthly blessings, and on the other, never to mistake them for the something else of which they are only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage.”

If my husband can’t be perfect, then perhaps he was never supposed to be my soul mate. Perhaps he is meant only to arouse a desire for Someone who completes me, adores me, never ever fails me, heals me, restores me, transforms me into something glorious. And if that is the case, Lewis says, I must be careful “never to despise or to be unthankful for the earthly blessing” that is my husband.

I’m blessed to be married to a man who belongs to my soul mate.

My husband is my soul mate’s soul mate.

I’ve been entrusted with the fragile, human heart of someone who Jesus dearly loves and died for. I must not mistake my husband for “the something else of which [he] is only a kind of copy, or echo, or mirage.” I must not expect my husband to be perfect or to be what Jesus promises to be to me. That would be very unfair of me. This man I’m married to isn’t perfect. And that is the best thing about him. He is only a blurry copy of my soul mate. He is what awoke in me the desire for an absolutely perfect, all consuming kind of love. If I hadn’t married a man who fails me on occasion, I’d have no deep desire for a love that never fails.

I’m still waiting for my soul mate. The Bible says He’s coming soon! I’m waiting eagerly for him because my dear husband has wet my appetite for the kind of love I can’t find here on this Earth. I’m going to give you that list of “soul mate” qualities again, and I want you to keep in mind that this was not composed by Christians. It was composed by humans. Humans who have a desire to find these qualities in someone else who will complete them. Humans who know that their hearts lack, and that lack can only be filled by something outside of themselves.

1. Your soul mate is endlessly loyal to you.
Deuteronomy 31:8 “Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

2. Your soul mate is always supportive of you.
Romans 8:31-32 “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things?”

3. Your soul mate has a similar guiding compass.
Psalm 32:8 “The LORD says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life. I will advise you and watch over you.”

4. Your soul mate sparks an intense passion in you.
Psalm 42:1 “…As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God.”

5. You can communicate comfortably with your soul mate.
Ephesians 3:12 “Because of Christ and our faith in him, we can now come boldly and confidently into God’s presence.”

6. Your soul mate makes you feel special.
Ephesians 2:10 “For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago.”

7. Your soulmate transcends spiritual boundaries with you.
John 14:2-3 “In My Father’s house are many dwelling places; if it were not so, I would have told you; for I go to prepare a place for you. If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself, that where I am, there you may be also.”

8. Your soul mate appreciates your affection.
Psalm 103:1-2 “Let all that I am praise the Lord; with my whole heart, I will praise His holy name. Let all that I am praise the Lord; may I never forget the good things He does for me.”

9. Your soul mate thinks you’re just irresistible.
Song of Solomon 7:10 “I am my beloved’s, and his desire is for me.”

10. Your soul mate helps you feel safe.
Psalm 18:2 “The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety.”

11. You feel like you can completely trust your soul mate.
Psalm 125:1-2 “Those who trust in the Lord are as Mount Zion, which cannot be moved but abides forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds His people, from this time forth and forever.”

12. You don’t just experience their endless love, you feel it.
1 John 4:9 “God showed how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him.”

13. You’re spiritually connected more so to your soul mate than anyone else.
Jeremiah 1:5 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you.”

14. You can spend time sitting in silence but know what your soul mate is thinking.
Psalm 131:1-3 “O Lord, my heart is not lifted up; my eyes are not raised too high; I do not occupy myself with things too great and too marvelous for me. But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, hope in the Lord from this time forth and forevermore.”

15. Even in times of tragedy, you find strength in your soul mate.
Psalm 121:1 “I will lift up my eyes to the mountains; From where shall my help come? 2My help comes from the LORD, Who made heaven and earth.”

16. Your soul mate turns to you with all their secrets, hopes and dreams.
Psalm 98:2 “The LORD has made his salvation known and revealed his righteousness to the nations.”

17. Your soul mate has the same ideas about raising children as you.
Proverbs 22:5-6 “Thorns and snares are in the way of the perverse; He who guards himself will be far from them. Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it.”

18. Your soul mate always includes you in major and minor life decisions.
Luke 10:22-24 “”I am the Agent of my Father in everything; and no one really knows the Son except the Father, and no one really knows the Father except the Son and those to whom the Son chooses to reveal him.” Then, turning to the twelve disciples, he said quietly, “How privileged you are to see what you have seen. 24 Many a prophet and king of old has longed for these days, to see and hear what you have seen and heard!’”

19. Your soul mate pushes you to be better.
James 4:8 “Come near to God, and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners. Purify your hearts, you double-minded.”

20. As people, in terms of being happy and successful, you and your soul mate thrive together.
John 17:23 “I am in them and you are in me. May they experience such perfect unity that the world will know that you sent me and that you love them as much as you love me.”

What an amazing privilege it is to serve and be loved by such a Soul Mate!!!

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